Did You Think the Jewish Nose Thing Was Over?

Sara Jacobs, Jewish Democrat from California, has a perfectly beautiful Jewish nose. I don’t know whether it’s a “Jewish nose,” other than the fact that it is on her face. She also has a very beautiful face, with that vital, sparkly look of intelligence that some of us associate with Jewish “types.” She looks as if she knows the federal budget and has also memorized her grandmother’s recipe for rugelach. That combination is irresistible to me, like sitting next to Einstein at your niece’s bat mitzvah.

Regrettably, Representative Nancy Mace is not quite as charmed by the Jacobs nose. No offense, but she probably bakes snickerdoodles, not to go all stereo-typey or anything. The two women had it out last week in the middle of a debate about gender-affirming care. As you might imagine, Mace got stuck. If you’re a Republican in 2025, the worst thing you can do is back benefits for trans people. For reasons that future historians will debate, trans folk are now the root of all evil, living embodiments of satanic apocalypse. They’re assassins, child killers, and all-around baddies—the kind of people who put the dys in dystopia.

The result is that they’re being cut off at the knees. Mace, herself, argued in Congress that the next big military bill to hit the floor should be careful to disqualify them from access to health care, especially the kind that’s gender affirming. Bathroom privileges are another story. For Representative Mace, no humiliation is too great.

Much to her credit, Jacobs thought this was crazy. She pointed out that gender care in America was a commonplace benefit of modern medicine. We are a society that fetishizes feminine enhancement. Not to put too fine a point on it, she actually used the word “boobs” in her argument. If women are permitted to alter their “boobs,” surely trans folk should be supported in exactly the same way, even in the context of military care if they happen to be serving in the land of the free.

So what about noses? Mace is for it, but only if you’re an ugly Jewess. Drawing on centuries of anti-Semitic stereotyping, Mace actually suggested that Jacobs get a nose job. Taking umbrage at Jacobs’ talk about bodies, she paused for a moment and then went straight to social media. “I have a good surgeon if you ever want to get your nose done.” On behalf of Sarah Jacobs, we politely decline.

In case you’re wondering what’s in the ninth circle of Hell, I happen to have it on good authority that Satan has a spectacular plan. For Nancy Mace, it’s an alcove theater where she will watch Adrian Brody in The Pianist and The Brutalist. That’s Monday through Friday until the end of time. On Shabbat and Sundays she’ll get a break: Barbra Streisand in Yentl and Funny Girl. Some Jewish noses are just too good to waste.