Personal Irritations: Volume II

TRISCUITS

Way too many varieties in almost identical packaging. All I want is regular Triscuits. This is the classic example of unnecessary profusion and capitalist mission creep.

OUTLOOK

I try to set aside important e-mails so that I can circle back, and they keep disappearing en masse. WTF. This has happened about eight times.

MY HEELS

They start cracking over Thanksgiving weekend and don’t stop until the end of March. The only thing that works is Bag Balm, but my hands end up smelling like a sheep for the whole day. It’s only August, and I’m already keyed up about November.

PROJECT WORK

This is more of a failure than an irritation. When I finished up at the Synagogue, I undertook many discretionary projects for the time available. I had to lay some of them aside to keep my sanity. Apologies to anyone I disappointed. I’m irritated with myself for unrealistic expectations.

SHOPPING

I like the spicy olives at Whole Foods, but I also have to buy Diet Coke, which Whole Foods regards as nuclear waste. Then it’s another trip to Trader Joe’s to get edible vegetarian dumplings. I know that this is an issue of entitlement, but I want to go to one store, called The Marc Fitzerman Store, where I can buy everything I need.

MY COMPUTER LIFE

Every time I think that I’ve got things smoothed out, something goes catastrophically wrong. In Ft. Worth last week, my new digital security blanket suffocated my laptop and I was left in a state of complete disempowerment. Was anybody hurt in the making of this film? No, but we’re talking about irritations, not death.

THE THING ON MY BACK

It was benign. My beloved dermatologist assured me that it was benign. But knowing me as he does, he decided to send a scrape to pathology, which confirmed that it was benign. What I really want is an in-house pathology unit, right next to The Marc Fitzerman Store. Waiting for results is a killer.