What They Should Have Said: Little Marco Edition
BACKGROUND:
In case you’re just tuning in, our war with Iran is a godawful sh-t show. What began as an incoherent effort at regime change, disarmament, “de-nuclearization,” and half a dozen other unachievables has now devolved into a pathetic effort to open up the famed Strait of Hormuz and restore the world economy. That would be the same Strait of Hormuz that was a wide-open international waterway before Trump and Netanyahu’s excellent adventure.
It’s just one of those perfectly predictable disasters that stud the heedless, arrogant Trump administration like spikes in a rubber tire. Not only has the Trump Memorandum of Misunderstanding yielded no significant result, it has actually taken us back a couple of steps, while the dead carcasses of very expensive ships pile up along the coast of Iran and Oman.
In the meantime, Administration underlings have tried to lay out principles that promise an organized, coherent response to this disaster. Marco Rubio, the so-called “adult in the room” has spoken about the Strait in an intelligible way, referencing accepted standards of national conduct and international norms.
WHAT HE SAID IN JUNE:
“That’s the law. It’s an international waterway. No country is allowed to charge tolls or fees on an international waterway. That’s existing international law. That’s the way it is in international waterways all over the world and that’s the way we’ll expect it’ll be here.”
Rubio uttered this judicious verdict three weeks ago on June 23, 2026. The problem is that his mob boss President just knee-capped him twice in the last 72 hours. First Trump said that the U.S. would itself begin charging for passage in some undefined way, to the tune of a 20% fee for safe conduct. Twenty percent of what? Then he “pivoted” to say that states who send their ships through Hormuz would pay some undefined fee for American security.
Any which way, Little Marco was left holding the proverbial bag, humiliated by his mercurial boss who thought nothing at all of undercutting his so-called Secretary of State and the Viceroy of Venezuela.
WHAT HE SHOULD HAVE SAID TODAY:
“You guys remember what I said about Hormuz a couple of weeks ago? I must have been drinking with Hegseth. Or Patel. Or Kavanaugh. It was somebody, I swear. But the last thing I remember is that I blacked out. Any-hoo, the Strait of Hormuz is pretty much up for grabs (see under “Access Hollywood”) and I think The Boss is going to grab it. Could be good, could be bad; we’ll see how this goes. For the record, I think that bombing Iran was the worst idea J.D. ever had. You can take the man out of the hillbilly, but you can’t take the hillbilly out of the man….”